Christmas is a special, joyous time in the hearts and souls of billions of people all around the world. It’s only natural that we should celebrate it with music, one of mankind’s most beloved art forms.
Yes, since the very beginning of time, music has been helping us express our innate feelings as humans; everything from happiness, to sadness, to our deepest, most burning desires. Music has especially been used for celebratory purposes.
The following holiday songs, however, are most certainly nothing to celebrate, and should probably just be banned for all eternity. They are, hands-down, the Top 5 Worst Christmas Songs of the Season, and they’re about to get what’s comin’ to ‘em!
5. Willie Robertson – “Ragin’ Cajun Redneck Christmas”
Is it a good song? Well, that would be subjective. So, is it a bad song? I honestly can’t tell, to say the least. This particular track hails from the recently released album “Duck the Halls: A Robertson Family Christmas”, courtesy of all your favorite reality TV show celebs.
Yes, it seems America’s favorite Duck Commanders have been quite busy this holiday season, not making duck calls, but recording new hit songs like “Camouflage and Christmas Lights”. Now, I’m in no way knocking the Robertsons, don’t get me wrong; I’m a big fan of the show myself! It just saddens me to see the Duck Dynasty’s long-triumphant reign finally hitting an all-time low.
4. Gayla Peevey – “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”
Please, please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks this song is about as “cute” and “funny” as being violently gored to death by an actual hippopotamus. Because that’s exactly what would happen if anyone were to give you one for Christmas.
This is definitely one of the most irritating holiday songs in existence, and the fact that some hail it as a classic still doesn’t really affect my opinion in any way. Honestly, nails on a chalkboard would get me in the Christmas mood faster.
3. NewSong – “The Christmas Shoes”
All right, all right already! We get that you’re a Christian band and all, and that this song was originally produced to accompany the 2002 television movie of the same name (which was also terrible). But why, oh why, did the lyrics have to be so sad? “If Mama meets Jesus tonight”? Are you kidding me?
I was always under the impression that Christmas songs were supposed to get people into the holiday spirit, not cause them to commit suicide in the process. With songs like these playing on our radios at Christmas-time, it’s no small wonder why self-harm is so much more prevalent during the winter holidays.
2. Lou Monte – “Dominick the Donkey”
Italy has given us a lot. Mostly food items, of course, but who doesn’t love a good pizza every now and then? And true Italian cannolis are to die for, are they not? So why does this song have to be so awful?
I keep asking myself that question, year after year, as I am forever ruthlessly bombarded by this annoyingly repetitive tale of a donkey who apparently can’t keep his nose out of Santa’s business. Mamma mia! You’re not a reindeer, Dominick. Not even close.
1. Justin Bieber – “Mistletoe”
Canadians, like Italians, have also given us a lot. Unfortunately, they had to ruin all their credibility by giving us “musical artists” like Nickelback and Justin Bieber. Sad, considering Canadian bacon is quite up there on my list of favorite meats, but the kid is just that inexcusable.
First, he makes our ears bleed with his hit song “Baby”, then he finally hits puberty and brings us this abomination. “I should be playing in the winter snow/But I’mma be under the mistletoe,” the Biebs proclaims in this holiday disasterpiece.
You should have been playing in the snow this entire time, Justin. What a shame you had to wait so long to figure that one out.
Music can be both pleasing and abhorrent in nature, Christmas tunes especially. Hopefully, no matter what you listen to this Christmas, it will be better than the blunders mentioned here.
Do you agree with this list? And what are some Christmas songs that you can’t stand, if any? Let us know!